Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
so over the past two days i've learned several things:
1. it's important to take a step back when you're in a relationship. especially if you have any doubts. looking at things from a different perspective can bring clarity to what you may be concerned about.
2. beware of the full opinion of others; their advice may be dogmatic, prejudiced, and also very narrow minded.
3. girls, boys epitomize heartbreak. whatever you put into a relationship may not always come out of it. dont give yourself up loosely, or loosely is how he will treat you.
(i'm not saying i did, but had i given up myself any more than i did, my heart would be broken a whole lot more)
4. screw me once it's your fault. screw me twice it's my fault.
i gave stanley a second chance after our first attempt last november and december. after we broke up in the beginning of january, i was in fact relieved and at ease with the freedom that it granted me. but a month later, when i found my ex on my doorstep, pleading for a second chance, i gave it to him out of the forgiveness of my heart. today i feel like i gave back in much to easily.
5. if a guy suddenly has a problem looking you in the eye, there's something going on wrong. and it's most likely guilt.
i dont know what i did to ruin the relationship i had with stanley. people tell me i did nothing, but i might have been blinded to my actions. who knows?
but what i do know is that he handled his feelings in a really immature way; i thought much higher of him to be honest. if he had called or came over and said "let's talk", things would be much different. what he did to me was downright rude. it was also extremely confusing. to promise to call and then not; to ignore all of my calls, day after day, message after message, was practically unbearable. call me desperate, but i have a different definition for how i acted. i acted out of love, i tried my very best to make things work. it just wasn't meant to be.
so a message to all of you guys or girls out there, who may be treating your boyfriend or girlfriend less than they should be treated: you cannot have your cake and eat it too, without resulting in a heartbreak. stanley was assured that i wouldn't go out and cheat on him, so i was constantly stood up and left at home, while he had all his fun. it was unfair and a complete waste of my time.
girls, dont date a guy who will treat you like that. i've seen so many relationships that actually do go right in the longrun. unfortunately, my last one wasnt one of those instances. however, i wish to all of you that you find what you are searching for, and learn through my experience.
oh my how dandy life can seem to go
its such a roller coaster
just when you think youre at the height of happiness
and start enjoying the ride
it all turns into chaos.
so basically stan and i arent together,
although we havent exactly made it official that were broken up
its pretty official in my mind, though.
when someone doesnt call for days and days
and then goes and gets plastered and doesnt return your calls
isnt that a good time to just call it quits?
i'm beginning to wonder if i'm calling it off without thinking things through?
but i mean seriously, it has all gotten way out of control.
and when things like this happen
i dont even love him anymore.
sad to say it, but its true.
so here i go:
roses are red
and violets are blue
well words cant describe
the cheating, selfish you
ahh well i havent written in this in quite a whillle
since the lip sync? wowww
so just in case you were wondering
life is a-ok right now
school's going alright
oh what the heck am i talking about
it sucks and i cant wait for summer to get here
but i'm alive
stan and i are back together
but i'm pissed right now because my fun-filled weekend fell APART
alyssa, you know what i'm talking about .
so me and some girls decided we were gonna go see nicole richie on saturday at kitson
BUT like half of the people bailed out because of SAT's, ACT's, that sorta stuff.
so it was just gonna be alyssa, me and court
well i call my cheer coach the night before at like 9:30 to tell her that i wont be at the CIF games on Saturday and at first, she was fine with it.
but then at like 6 am the next morning she calls and tells me its not ok to miss something like CIF
i was just like ah booo,u whore.
and just when iwas about to call alyssa, i get a text from her that she cant go either.
it was no one's fault, but next time nicole richie comes into town, were all going NO MATTER WHAT.
anyways ya well i'm pretty amped now because i cant go to SAT class today
i didnt have all my homework done so i'm safffe
stan's grounded so the past month has been preetty sad
i just cant wait till summer
beach everyday for sure.
ahh i cant waiiit
ok well i guess i'm not allowed to use livejournal anymore says the madre.
its a way to attract child molesters and rapists. i agree, but i dont think that it would happen to me. haha, but i'm sure thats what they all say.
but let me tell you about my birthday!
yesterday, the 28th, i got up and had a fatty breakfast with the fam and opened gifts.
my mom and dad got me shoes - typical. i got high black uggs and these amazing wedges that i'm literally obsessed with...i wear them everywhere.
then my mom and sister and i went to get massages and facials at this place in solana beach with my cousin, sunny. my massage was DIVINE and the facial was too, even tho i was really self conscious without makeup on... i wear makeup too much i decided but i'm not gonna do anything about it. whatevvvs.
then we went to jakes for lunch and i ate so much i havent eaten since.
haha, jk, i've eaten like 947938274 meals today but thats alrightt
so i go home, take a nap and watch lost, and then get ready for the lip sync/talent show at school. of course that was funnn but i have a question. why do people who LEAVE our school come back to school events like the talent show? people like heather peterman were there, and ashley augustine, and chelsie eli... i dont understand. theyre sweet and all, but i dont get it? oh well.
ps - rory and taylor should have won the talent show, because their aladin performance was the best thing i've ever seen. so was the senior girls' hip hop perfomance. nice job guys.
ok well i guess we'll see if i can do more livejournaling. my moms pretty anti, which really sucks.
but to anyone that reads this, i love you and i'll see you around...
unless you are the creepers that my mom warns me about.
i'm outs byeee
dance all night.. we gonna dance all night, dance all night to this dj
i just felt like singing that
or typing it
i finally asked someone to valentines today
thank god cause i was seriously stressing
but heres what went down:
me and maile were like hm we should ask rob and graham because theyre friends and were friends so thatd be cool riiiight? right. so we came up with this divine idea of puting a half of a heart on their winsheilds with "rob +..." and "graham +..." and then little hearts that told them to go to togos. so maile and i go to togos at the very end of 5th period (we barely made it) and confirmed our plan with the togo guys and put the other halves of the hearts on the counter with $10 gift cards (so the boys could have sandwiches). well turns out all the fun valentines stuff was in my moms car and she didnt get there in time, but came like 5 minutes late. but anywho ya so maile and i hide behind the counter anyways and we hear sfc people come in and we see leslee and she starts being the papparazzi and it was crazyy aahhhh. but ya so she tells us that graham and rob are coming and my mom of course hadnt arrived so i was super frustrated. so rob and graham come in and graham acts all gay because he thinks its just one big joke.
so maile tells me to jump up with her and be like "will you go to valentines with me, graham/rob?" and i jump up and see them but maile didnt so i duck back down ahahah but they totally saw me. so i just was like "MAILE THEY SAW ME!" and we pop up, laughing histerically, and they were like "um yeah we'll go with you" and we run out and give them hugs and it was cute. right then my mom calls and tells me shes in the parking lot with the stuff.
way to be punctual, mom.
so ya thats basically what happened and a bunch of sfc people were in there like watching us so it was akward but i'm so glad its over. all i have to worry about now is what i'm gonna wear, which might be a challenge, but i'm ready for it.
so LAST NIGHT. OMG. the funnest night ever... yet so stressful.
i had cheer from 3-5 and when it was done, i hauled my butt home really fast and got ready for the augustana concert. i met up with alyssa and leslee at panera and we all got I.C. carmels and i had flashbacks of going to panera with graham over the summer. it was cute.
so then we head down to what we thought was the augustana concert at the house of blues in downtown, and we even paid an $8 parking fee that was non-refundable. and whatta ya know? no augustana concert at the house of blues. well by then it was like 7 and the concert started at 7:30, AND we were informed that we had to buy tickets 1 hr to 30 minutes in advance at the latest. so we speed on over by sea world and i call my grandma to get directions to SOMA and alyssa calls her dad. (leslee was rocking to augustana in the back seat) FINALLY we arrive at soma and successfully buy tickets.
as soon as we get into the concert area thing leslee says she wants to put her purse in my car. so we start heading out and the bouncer guy tells us that only one of us can go out. um, rape? well leslee goes, of course, and alyssa and i are sketching out because we dont want leslee out by herself, and it took her a long time to get back too. we buy energy drinks and les comes back so we head in. there was this band playing and the lead singer looked like will ferrell... they were pretty good too. then a second opening band comes out called reeve oliver, and the lead singer of that one was not too bad looking....
finally, like 45 minutes before i have to go, augustana comes out and oh lordy, they were amazing. i know alyssa and les took lots of pics so ask them... i was using my parents digital camera, and was totally blowing it so i gave up. but augustana was divine, and dan was amazingly hott. too bad i left and les and alyssa got to stay and meet him... and he knew alyssa too! ahh i'm so jealous. whatever that was the funnest night ever. were doing it again, girlsss
and yeah this morning was GANGSTA too
haah gangsta.. oh boy i'm high.
anyways leslee and alyssa came over at like 5:30 am or something crazy like that and turn on my light and go "HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNI!! GET UPPP" and i was so pissed cause i thought it was my dad so i pulled the covers over my head and was like "noooo" ahha ew i was so gross.
so we all get ready and go to the potato shack on 101, but not without making a stop at starbucks and getting lattes with quad shots. oh it was so early. and we saw mrs menconi there which was really akward... but yeah so alyssa and les wrote on my car and gave me flowers and a princess balloon and my day-before-birthday day could not have been better. it was fabulous.
so i was super stressed, but it was fun because i live off stress.
and the augustana concert definitely topped off my week, they are my new obsession and i wont get over it.
ok well i'm outie...
ahhh well i'm at home right now
yes, i should be at school today
but my mom told me i could stay home cause i had cheer all weekend and i got really stressed
i had a cheer competition yesterday
it was great
we got 5th out of... uh, 6
all the younger classmen are going around saying 5th out of 15 but i refuse to lie
cause its hilarious.
anyways it sucked cause as soon as we got off the floor my right knee started throbbing
and i'm freaked out now cause i can barely walk on it
ya i'll admit
i've fallen down the stairs a few times now
if i have to have knee surgery again tho my mom says she'll pull me out of cheer
which is fiiiinnne by me.
anyways i'd like to admire alyssa deetman and leslee lambert at this time
you are both amazing
corbin and jordan should feel so fortunate to be going with you
their rooms looked divine and the beach thing is soooo good
i'm gonna need your help when i decide who i'm gonna ask!
but ya i still havent completely decided
cause i want to ask someone who can go in a fat limo bus with us all
but whatever we'll see how that goes
oh shoooooooot i just burned my toast
darn ok well i'm outsie
talk to yaaallls laterrrr
ps alyssa whatd u get on your AP final?
i think i got a 90 something
who am i going to ask to valentines???
ahh i'm so nervous.
welllll today was super long
i got up with murphy and we went to vons and bought eggs and bacon for breakfast
and on top of that we got a dozen krispy kremes... just for the two of us
but donnnt worry
by like the second one i felt soo disgusting
i havent eaten since.
court asked matt to valentines today
it was this long ordeal
super cute tho
she had him on this long scavenger hunt
and i had to wait for him at the train station in solona beach
which was super akward because i was like the only person there
and last time i was at the train station, i was going on a trip with... uhh my ex.
so yeah i relayed the message that told him where to go next and then i had to go to cheer
which was death because i got hit like 23894723987 times and i thought i broke my nose
if i had, my mom says she wouldve been really mad and made me quit the team
which wouldve been fine by me.. except for the broken nose part
but i'm finnnne and i survived
and now i'm here
i just had a fine dinner
but i'm off to the movies now with some randoms
peace out homiiieeess
ps i think i'm getting this purse
(of course stanley is in it)
sooo i get home after finals today
and i decided i wanted to go on a run
so i change and grab my ipod and oversized sunglassess and head out
i run one of the trails next to my house which goes back behind the houses and then ends up at the bottom of the neighborhood
so i'm running up this hill right?
and i'm thinking: what is the worst thing that could happen right now?
and it was deja vu i swear
the worst thing, i thought, was for stanley to be driving to petes and see me running up through sandalwood, looking like a total nasty.
...and whatta ya know?
guess who comes driving up into sandalwood as i'm crossing the street.
so i point at him and i'm like whaaat whatcha doin herrre?
and he pulls over and says hi, tells me to have fun on my run, and that he'll talk to me later
i just about died.
and what a coincidence that i'm listening to hoku on my ipod
ya, dont act like u never listened to hoku
and "another dumb blonde" comes on
well i g2g study for ap english and spanish
yay my two last finals!
i dont know what to think about paris hilton's song either
yayy for long journal entries
welll its tuesday
and i had my first two finals today
they were divine
actually they were both impossible but thats okay
chemistry raped me though
and i'm not too sure about bible
how about a little sp update? yeah?
so i was texting matt butler last night
and he asks me if i've talked to stan recently
and i was like noo.... but i miss the boy
so matt asks if i still like him
and i told him of course i'll always kind of like him
so butler asks if i'd like him to talk to stan for me
of course i replied, umm no thats okay but thanks
and guess what matt butler goes and does?
he IMs stan and tells him i want to get back together with him
and supposablyyy stan said he felt the same way
which i highly doubt because we sat on opposite sides of the room for our bible final today
thats fine tho because i really dont care what happens
i'm single and ready to mingle
and boys, you cant live with 'em and you cant live without 'em.
anywho i'm hardcore stressing about valentines
its not the outfit, its not the dance, i just have NO idea who i'm gonna ask
i decided that it would be amazing if like our group of girls asked our group of guys who we hang out with
but i dont know if everyone would want to do that.
some ppl are like "ask stanley" and then theres graham who wants me to ask rob
but i already went with him to hc
ahh its not supposed to be this stressful!
but i am kinda amped on what i'm gonna wear
i havent found anything yet
but i have an idea of what i'll get
if anyone has suggestions
please. let me know.
alrighty well i'm out
loves to anyone who reads this
and u must be pretty bored
cause my entries are ridiculously long
thats okay tho!
oh and ps: i love orange tic tacs!
oooo well the past 24 hours of my life have been interesting
this morning i got up and immediately went on the computer because my tv is broken
and i had totally forgotten about stuyding for finals
10:30 rolls around and courtney and rachel b. come downstairs and start bugging me about whether i'm taking them to church or not
and i said no of course because i was feeling wayyy too lazy
well my mom comes home from church and freaks out
and rachel's mom freaks out
and i get all the blame.
so then 1:00 comes around and my mom tells me that i have an SAT class to attend
she makes me like 23948723 quesadillas because she says i need food to think
and then sends me off
i totally got lost tho and showed up like 20 min. late
actually only like 5 but i was scared i wouldnt be able to get in
so that lasts till about 6 and then i just came home, played a few games of pool and ate dinner
and no i'm procrastinating studying for bible and chemistry
those are my 2 first finals
ok well its time to get out
so basicallyyy finals are in four days and i know absolutely nothing.
especially in chemistry
so i'm going in to see mr t. tomorrow at 8 am
psycho right? well i'm desperate.
i just found out that jordan k is for sure coming back to sfc. does anyone else think thats crazy? i wonder how that will work out
dont get me wrong, i love the girl to death tho
anywayyys tonight i went to a basketball game at sfc and we played army-navy.
i think its hilarious how our hecklers pretty much determine how the game is gonna go... but going to a basketball really reminded me of going out with kris corso.. and then i started to ponder all of my past bf's / relationships... i wont lie, it made me kind of depressed.
first of all, valentines is in less than a month now and i have NO IDEA who to ask. ya i'd ask stanley, but uhhh... i'm pretty sure hed be weirded out and i'd be weirded out since we broke up like a week ago.
which reminds me; let me tell you about that little shady shananigan
so last friday i'm just chilling at home, thinking about random pointless things and just sitting at my computer doing nothing. i realized that the past few days had been pretty miserable because stan and i werent talking and supposable rumors were going around hs about me and stan doing scandalous things, so i had been a little upset. so i begged my mom to give my phone back (another story) and when i got it back, i texted stan to call me so we could have a little chat, you know, fix things.
wellll were talking and our convo is going so-so, and we decide that were gonna forget sfc drama and move on. well, then i hear his little cellie go off in the background and he tells me to hold on; he picks up the phone and says "hello? ya dude, i'm breaking up with her right now" HMMM SHADYYY
so then he comes back and is like "ok sorry." and so i asked him if it was true that we WERE breaking up and he just casually says "yeah i guess so"
i was so upset, but let me tell you that at first i was just SUPER pissed off.
boys are such pathetic losers sometimes and i just wanted to kick him.
so then i told him that i shouldve broken up with him before, when i heard he and chelsie eli were talking and then when they hung out... that was yet another great story. and he was like "ya i know, ya i know"... blah blah blah. but ya so i just told him peace and hung up. but breaking up obviously isnt that simple, and, being home alone at the time, i basically fell on my kitchen floor and started balling because i had no idea what had just happened.
then i drove to moonlight to ponder things, cause i had no idea how i would be able to face him the next monday at school. on my way to moonlight i called leslee and left a message on her voicemail, crying, and when i was at the beach she called back with the girls and they all helped make me feel better and told me to go to the senior party at the sun residence. so i got a little prettied up, even tho my eyes were disgusting and red and puffy, and i went on over. but guess who was there? YEP! stanley.. so a bunch of people come outside and start telling me how to get over him and make his life miserable... little did we know he was sitting right across the street with rory, just watching. i'll admit he looked a little sad tho when he saw me. i wanted to laugh in his face. so THENNN alyssa leslee and karly came back to my house and we took pictures next to my car and then went to get food and rent movies. before we went home, we stopped at pete frederick's house and put stanley's CIF ring on his car and threw his aleve or whatever all over it too. it was fun. too bad a circle of stoners were right next to it and saw me do it. so then we get back to my house alyssa and karly have to go
so i drove them home and then came back home and watched american wedding for like 30 minutes with leslee
but we got super tired and went to bed
by the way, sorry this is like the longest thing ever.
not that anyone reads these things
but ya since then i've kinda talked to stanley
he keeps asking if i'm ok, if i'm friends with graham again
and he gives me akward looks
but i do miss him
its hard to get over someone like that
especially after our splendid litte trip up to my grandparents on the train
we had some good times
but i'm managing
to all of you who ask me daily how i'm doing and if i'm over him
the answer is i'm great and no, but i'm in the process
woowww this livejournal just got super emotional
i'm out now
oh how i hate the drama at sfc
i'm single and ready to mingle!
i am so not amped off life right now.
today's been an interesting day
january 1, 2006
that means my bday is in 27 days!
yesterday i got back from cayucos
(the little town my grandparents live in north of san luis obispo)
the train ride home was a little shady because stan, matt, court and i were like fighting the entire time
but its ok.
we all got home to our little houses and i went to the cutshaws for new years
stan was there too
we went to the resort across the street and went jacuzzy-ing
and i guess some guy got mad at jordan m. and threw his beer bottle on the ground
our party was strictly non-alcoholic.
laterrr the guys and katrina all played poker and everyone put in $5
but supposably peter was cheating so rory wanted his money back
so without telling anyone, he stole it out of the moneybag thing
but he INEVITABLY took katrina's $5 bill, on which katrina had put a 'K' on
so rory got caught and then started beating up on peter for cheating
les and i were stuck in the corner while they guys were at it
so we were kinda freaked out
oh ya and when they were playing poker, matt sacher came over to see leslee
unfortunatelyyy they were outside and everyone found out
so they went out and started yelling uncalled-for things to les and matt
i was kinda pissed. matt and leslee were super pissed. but i'd be too
anyways then we all cooled off and watched family guy
by then it was like 3:30 am and i have to admit, i was pretttty tired
so we watched tv till about 4:30ish and then we all peaced out
leslee and i shared katrina's twin size bed
it was hot
oh and by the way, leslee sorry for grabbing your boob.
it was an accident i swear
so yes i'm sorry.
oh yeah i'd like to make a very true statement
sorry this livejournal is way too long and no one is probably going to read it
but i'd like to say that sfc can be super gay sometimes
seriously, the gossip is ridiculous
and the skeptics follow you forever
but everyone needs to get over it please
woohoooo i got an iPod
i just got done hanging with stan at the marks' house
it was funn we watched fball film and all that fun stuff
then after he left i got super anal about nothing
i'm such an idiot sometimes
alrighty well i'm going to bed
the past three days have been sooo stressful
there are so many things i wish i wouldve said and done
because everything is such a huge mess now
and seriously all i want is the truth.
but oh well
christmas is in 4 days
to easily sum up my day:
last day of school before break... soo stressful
fight with mom
drove to run errands
went xmas shopping with matt butler
went to murphy's party
saw stan again
now i'm here!
yayyy so us girls finally went out for sushi last night!
sooo much fun
basically all we ate were crunchy rolls
ahh they were splendid.
stan was acting super weird last night
i dont know what the deal was
actually i do but its gay and i dont want to talk about it
we met up with those guys at starbucks after sushi
then we went to my house to put on bathing suits and go jacuzzi with the guys at this community pool
thats when stan started acting super weird
so we stayed for a while then me and les got pissed so we were gonna leave but she decided to stay a little longer
but i peaced out
basically i was super emotional tho and iwent hope super upset
stanley called and texted me like 3298473 times and finally at like 2 am i picked up
and he came over for like 5 minutes and we made up.
it was cute
but i'm still pissed about this girl who keeps calling him
(chelsea eli, cough cough)
she better watch her back.
welllll i just got back from the gymmm
the past week has been absolutely psycho and i am SO glad its over
probably the most stressful week of my life.
see theres this girl whos been hitting on stanley and it was really starting to make me mad
so finnnally last night
i called them both on it and all i said to the girl was "um excuse me, but are you aware
that stanley and i are going out?" and of course she said no and that she was really sorry
ahh i actually kinda wanted to fight tho
and show her that she cant mess like that with my man
but oh well she got the point
it was kinda funny too
but school and all that ahh
thank god next week is the last week before xmas break
and on tuesday theres no school cause were goin to qualcomm
haha how gay am i
ok well i'm about to go do some christmas shopping
it should be funnnn
schoolie schoolie schoolie
ah well i just got back from the gym with my sisterrr
it was fun
we did like every machine there is
but only for like .5 secs each
haha it was great
school is back tho and my madre says its time to focus on it
ap is ridiculous
i dont know if i'll make it
well since my moms constantly complaining about how i use too much moneyyyy
i went out and got a job last saturday!
actually i applied and then i had this interview dealie today and yayyy i made it
its at this cute little store in the forum
i'm not saying which one tho cause ya never know what creepers might be out there
but its all cool and sunday is the company party and i got invited
i was likeee umm yaaaa... party? i'm there!
haha omg i'm losing it right now
annyywho this weekend should be fun
probably hanging with stan and friday or saturday i'm goin to sushi with the giiirrrllssss
dressing up super cutesy... pumps and all that cute stuff
but we want to go somewhere fun after
ok well i g2g STUDY
yay ok latttterrrr
Mood: ahha whaaattt